By Jason Wu, Ph.D.
I hear this a lot: “I’m doing all the right things but my life still feels meaningless and empty and I’m not happy – what else am I supposed to do?!”
First – I’d like to let you know that this is something most people struggle with. We were never given a guidebook on what’s important to us – and if we were, that guidebook would have been written by someone else and so it might not even apply to us.
Second – rather than focusing on specific goals (e.g. get a car, a house, a family, a job that pays six figures), it’s important to explore the meaning behind those goals. For example – why do I want that six figure job? What would I use that money for anyway? Is it about the recognition from others that I have succeeded?
So to start off – I’d like to offer a couple thought experiments for you to really explore your values:
1. If you can imagine yourself at your own funeral, what would you want people to say about you in your eulogy?
How would you want people to describe you? If it’s something like “compassionate, caring,” then those are your values, and maybe you can do volunteer work or reach out to friends who are in need, because that’s what matters to you.
2. If no one would ever know about your accomplishments, what would you want to do with your life?
No one else can judge your values, but oftentimes we are influenced by the reactions of others and our actions are then based on others and not ourselves. So if no one was around and would ever know about what you do, what would you want to fill your life with?
Finally, I’d recommend “A Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl if you would like something to read – it talks a lot about making meaning and the power of having purpose in your life. Even Jimmy Fallon mentioned it once during his show – it’s a highly influential book that’s been a bestseller since it was released decades ago, and for good reason.