By Jason Wu, Ph.D.
Being a man has never been more confusing. Society has made leaps and bounds (though we’re not done yet) in addressing social justice issues regarding privilege, equality, gender, fluid sexuality, and sexual orientation, but throughout this era of progressive thinking and change, men were really never given a guide on how to navigate this rapidly changing period of shifting norms and expectations.
In addition, men have traditionally been taught to “toughen up” and “get over” their emotions and struggles, which has been a huge disservice in teaching men how to be vulnerable and relate honestly with the people in their lives, access the rich tapestry of the human emotional experience, and develop a sense of self-worth based on personally-chosen values, rather than traditional gender norms. Consequently, there is research that suggests an over-identification with traditional gender norms can lead to negative mental health outcomes for men, including anxiety, depression, and stress*.
Individuals from different cultures also have a set of society-based masculine values, which can cause further distress if these values differ from the culture they live in (e.g. Chinese men are seen as different from White men in America [Shek, Y. L. (2007)], leading to cultural issues that can influence how a person sees themselves and creates a certain environment that can be difficult to navigate). Furthermore, Silicon Valley offers additional challenges for men due to changing gender ratios, an increased awareness of gender inequality, more diversity among peers, and a highly competitive industry that is moving so fast and adds so much pressure to keep up that simply taking the time to reflect and grow as a person (as well as simply take the necessary time to focus on self-care and emotional well-being) seems like a distant afterthought.
I have had the privilege of working with men from diverse backgrounds: technology company executives, working class individuals, men serving time in prison, men of color, LGBTQ-identified men, college students, and young adolescent men, and I see that these issues exist across the spectrum.
I grew up in an area where gangs and violence were fairly common, and I witnessed the pain that led good men to go to extreme lengths to seek connection with other men, but also the power of empathy, compassion, forgiveness, and vulnerability to help bring these same men back onto their chosen paths. As a male, as well as a person of color, I have a vested interest in helping other men develop what I like to call “values-driven masculinity” – namely, I want to help men connect with themselves in a more authentic way and create a masculine identity based on their own values, not what society expects of them.
If you have any questions, feel free to call (650-517-3213) for a free phone consultation or email me at jasonwu87@gmail.com – note, email is not a secure form of communication but we can always use email to schedule a free phone appointment.
References:
Shek, Y. L. (2007). Asian American masculinity: A review of the literature. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 14(3), 379-391.
*https://james-oneil.uconn.edu/introduction/