By Jason Wu, Ph.D.
For people who haven’t been to therapy before, the only knowledge you might have about therapy may have come from reeeally inaccurate portrayals on TV shows and movies.
As someone who has been in the other chair, I remember feeling anxious (and a little skeptical) about the whole process, especially since I had no idea what to expect. I thought I’d make this page to help you understand the different ways in which therapy can be beneficial, but also help you explore other options if you feel therapy isn’t the right fit. We all come from different backgrounds and experiences, so it only makes sense that our paths towards healing would also be different as well.
I heard this following explanation from Drs. Steven Hayes, Kelly Wilson, and Kirk Strosahl, the co-creators of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, during a training and I think it’s a great way to explain what therapy is and can be.
They said that what therapists do can be generally summed up in the “3 H’s” – the Head, the Hands, and the Heart:
The Head
This is the logical, analytical, “thinking” part of therapy. Sometimes, when we’re looking at an issue or a problem that seems massive, we get caught up in feeling overwhelmed or have difficulty stepping back to see things more clearly. In this area, I can help bring a different perspective to the table, hold a mirror up for you so that you can reflect on yourself, explore other options that you might not have thought of, introduce a new way to organize your thoughts and behaviors, and provide feedback about ways to make change happen in your life. If you’ve ever been rock climbing, think of it this way: the person climbing is the one who is up against the wall and can see all the little details up close, but the person below might have a better angle of an upcoming obstacle that the climber can’t see yet.
Even the best climbers in the world benefit from spotters who can help them see past the next rock.
The Hands
This is the hands-on “doing” part of therapy. We all struggle to varying degrees with difficult internal experiences, like stress and anxiety, feelings of sadness and loneliness, self-doubt, and feeling lost or purposeless. Fortunately, there are tons of psychological techniques that I can help you learn in order to manage your thoughts and feelings more effectively, which might come in the form of mindfulness or meditation practice, relaxation skills, emotion regulation or distress tolerance skills, self-care behaviors, values exploration worksheets, distraction techniques, symptom checklists, assessments, etc. I can work with you to identify which ones best fit your current situation and provide education as well as practice them with you in session. I think it was Guy Winch who said during a TedTalk (and I’m paraphrasing):
Mental health is like flossing – it might take some time and effort, but caring for your mind and heart will seriously elevate your quality of life (or teeth).
The Heart
This is my favorite part of doing therapy, but it’s also the hardest to explain. There is something powerful about simply “being” with someone who not only understands, but also feels your pain. It is an unavoidable part of being human that we feel, we hurt, and we suffer. What adds to that is the sadness and pain of doing it alone. And yes, sometimes, even when we’re surrounded by people, we can still feel alone. I’ve found in my work that there is something powerful about feeling connected to someone in a real, genuine, authentic, and human way that lifts the burden, even just a little bit. And that can go a long way, because if we all have to feel, hurt, and suffer, it makes a big difference to know that we are not alone. There was a time when I was really struggling through my training, and a supervisor told me a quote that I still hold on to:
The greatest thing we can do is to help somebody know that they are loved and capable of loving
– Mr. Fred Rogers
In summary, my personal belief is that therapy can be helpful for anyone at any point in their lives. I’ve been to therapy at both low and high points in my life, and it was helpful for me in different ways – in one instance, therapy helped me figure out how to not spiral downward and pulled me out of the quicksand of depression and anxiety; in the other, therapy helped me understand myself better and find more purpose and satisfaction in my life.
However, therapy might not feel like the best option for you, at least at this present moment at this current point in your life. And that’s okay too. As much as I believe in therapy, I also believe there is more than just one path towards healing, self-care, and growth, so please feel free to browse the free resources section for thoughts and ideas for your own journey!
And of course, feel free to call me at (650) 517-3213 or email me at jasonwu87@gmail.com for a free consultation (note: email is not a secure form of communication, but we can always use it to set up a free phone consultation).